Top Ten Myths About Divorce and Family Law in Oklahoma

1. If you live with someone for six months you are common law married.

- Absolutely not true. Oklahoma does recognize common law marriages and the courts look for length of time of cohabitation as a factor in determining whether or not you were common law married, but actually the most important determination to find out if you are common law married is to ask yourself "are we married?" Maybe the single most important factor is whether or not you and your spouse held yourself out to the world as husband and wife.

2. If we get divorced, my wife will get the kids.

- False. While it is possible that your wife might get the kids, it is also possible that you might. Oklahoma has turned away from the Tender Years Doctrine (which favored the mother gaining custody of the children) and is now a more progressive state when looking at who should be the primary custodian of the children. They now look to who is the more able parent which may very well be the man or the woman.

3. I'll lose the house if I leave it.

- Not true. If you fear for your safety or the safety of your children, leave! Just because you don't remain in the house does not mean you are somehow forgoing any interest in it.

4. If my spouse files for divorce first then they have some sort of advantage.

- Not true. Courts do not care who's attorney was quicker or in better shape and got to the courthouse first.

5. Divorce is just too expensive.

- This might be true however uncontested divorces in our office start as low as $1,500.

6. I won't get any time with my kids if I get divorced.

- Simply, not true. There have been statutory changes in recent years in Oklahoma, which state that courts shall look to substantially equal time for both parents at a temporary order hearing in a divorce action.

7. If I get a divorce I will lose everything.

- You might, but there are many factors to be considered. A lot of people think that because they have a lot of assets they will somehow lose all their personal effects through divorce. What one must consider is that there are liabilities attached to those assets. While your spouse may be entitled to an equitable distribution of your marital assets, they are also obligated to an equitable assumption of marital liabilities (debts). Therefore, when one looks to determine how many of their assets they are parting with they need to consider the addition or subtraction of the associated debts. For example, when both parties desire to keep the marital home the first consideration should be if both parties can maintain the monthly mortgage payment.

8. My spouse will take the children and move out of state.

- While the courts may allow a custodial parent to relocate with the children, more often the courts prefer that both parties remain within the state of Oklahoma during the pendency of the action (during the divorce). While these determinations are case specific and may vary depending on your circumstances, most courts will require the parties and the children to remain close to one another at least until a final decision is made in the matter of custody.

9. Alimony.

- Always a bit of a concern. It is simply untrue that just because you were married for some length of time that your significant other will get alimony. Alimony can be for men too. Alimony is really support for a person in a relationship that existed for some lengthy period of time. The court asks the question "What did that person forego (give up)?" “Did one person get to continue their education and their professional endeavors, while the other stayed home and gave up those activities to raise children or something of the like?” If this is so, then there may be an entitlement to some sort of support to "level the playing field".

10. Is Oklahoma is a community property state and what does that mean?

- Oklahoma looks at the date of marriage as the defining point of what is separate property and what is "coverture property" (marital property). Oklahoma defines that after the date of marriage all assets and liabilities acquired becomes property of the marriage. So, when parties wish to divorce it is from the date of marriage forward that one looks to determine what is part of the marital estate. What people tend not to recognize is that certain assets acquired before that date may have grown in value and the other party may have an equitable interest in that "added value" of the property even though it was "separate property" at the start of the marriage. That property may have grown in such a way, or maybe it was mixed with non-separate property in such a way that it could lose its separate nature. One must be very careful when attempting to identify separate/marital property. There are other exceptions, for instance, inheritance. If one party of a marriage inherits something during the marriage it is not necessarily the property of the other spouse as long as it was kept separate.

-Lawrence Goodwin (405) 605-7771